2 weeks! trip to OS

My visit to the oral surgeon today was quite productive. I was released to eat soft foods, I can sleep whatever way is comfortable and I don't go back for 2 weeks! He also took out a few stitches that were bothering me. He and I both smiled because it kind of hurt when he took the stitches out - it was that understanding that it hurt because there's so much feeling in my mouth.

On the soft food note... Tom made tilapia, baked potatoes, and applesauce for dinner. It took a while but I ate it all! It was fun to eat real food again! Yea!!

I'm also at that weird stage of feeling different but not looking too different. For example, I took Natalie to the orthodontist today and while I was sitting there I told everyone in the waiting room I had just had jaw surgery 2 weeks ago. (In case they were wondering why I looked so strange - which everyone said they never would have known but hoped I felt better soon.)

It was fun to get out and do a few things and to not feel exhausted. I'm hoping that's because I can sleep better at night due to the enlarged airway. I still don't have the airway numbers but I'm hoping to by the next visit.

That's all for now...

day 12 ... first outing

Well besides my trip to the oral surgeon last Monday, today was my first time out. Tom and I went out to our Sunday night prayer group. First of all, I'm at that stage where I don't feel like I look too swollen, I feel more like I look strange - like a female version of Richard Nixon. Secondly, it's weird when in my mind all I can think about is how I look and no one really said anything about that. Just how I was feeling and doing. I felt like everyone was feeling sorry for me, like there wasn't that much change and I didn't look better, I looked worse, etc... Of course, no one is probably thinking about me at all!

Tom and I stopped at Marshall's to exchange some yoga pants and I wondered what it would be like to be seen in public. As soon as I walked in the guy behind the counter waves at me, and I think "I guess I still look like Elaine!". It was kind of funny, especially because of all the 'conversations' about identity I've read and heard and discussed with some of you! It was okay.

I think I had some hopes that if I finally had more balance in my face I would be much prettier and I'm just not feeling that way at all! I don't think I'm being fair to myself because I am not done healing at all. I know from going through another recovery from laser surgery over a year ago, that there are definite stages. Excitement (the swelling hides a lot of flaws), hope, disappointment (as the swelling goes down and the flaws reappear), and then acceptance. I remember feeling embarrassed the first time I went out after my last surgery. I was with a group of women and talked about it, though. Tonight I didn't really need to I guess. It's good to come home and 'talk' with you all though.

Here's the other strange thing... my nose is really crooked. I was thinking it was from the swelling, and I still hope it is. However, it feels like the bone is attached toward the right. Before the jaw advancement this was hidden in my then, longer nose. Now, the nose lands right where the bone attaches. My husband thinks we'll have to have this fixed in some way. I just think it's kindof funny. My nose never looked crooked before. Go figure. I was in an accident when I was 6 where I was hit in the face with a moving teetertotter on a swingset. I needed 50 stitches from my nose to my lip. My lip is crooked and I have some lines under my nose. They were straight and now they are slightly lifted. So interesting what happens to the face when bones are moved! Anyway, I'm hoping the nose straightens when the swelling goes down and we don't have to do anymore surgery. The good news is my brother-in-law (Tom's brother) is a plastic surgeon so he could probably just shave a little of the bone or something!

I'm rambling but that's what's on my mind right now. Feeling a little like I just want to stay home a while longer... not quite ready to face the world yet!

exercising my face....

Here I am trying to exercise my face. I so want to smile again!

day 10...

These are before and after photos, The black jacket is the after photos the colored sweater is the before. To me, I see differences, maybe it's not as obvious if you don't know me...

I think I goofed on the last post. I think that was actually day 7 (so I changed it). Surgery on the 13th, it's the 23rd, that sounds like day 10. Anyway, I'm at the point now where most things are manageable. The worst part of the day is usually right before bed when my right jaw just aches. So, I put moist heat on it and then I can sleep. My jaws are a little sore today. I only have 1 band evenly on each side.

I'm still on liquids only but had mashed potatoes with cheese for dinner. So, anything I can swallow without chewing. The other day a friend brought a wonderful dinner for the family and even included some delicious potato soup for me! Well, there was apple pie and I just couldn't resist! We put a piece of it in the magic bullet with a little vanilla ensure and... voila'!!!!! apple pie drink. It was so good and nice to have something a little bulkier in my belly!

Here's the other thing as far as my energy goes: one day this week I dusted and picked up a little and felt pretty good. The rest of the time I was pretty tired and just worn out. I think it takes the body a lot of energy to heal. The good part is I don't feel too badly. I'm just on 800 mg. motrin about 3 times/day. And, I do love the bed buddy (Bed, Bath and Beyond for $9.95). It's the moist heat thing for my jaw.

Funkyrhodes, you were asking about going back to work. At this point I'm 10 days out and would hate to be committed to going back to work. I think it would really wear me out. I definitely think at least 2 full weeks, 3 would be best, if it's possible. But, I'll keep you posted as I feel better.

I want to post some pictures of my face from the front. I still have bruises on my chin, but they are fading a little.

day 7...

It's so nice to be on day 7. Each of the first 5 days was so long and hard. The hardest part for me overall has been the sore stomach. Between antibiotics, motrin, an inability to swallow, and lack of an apetite, I have felt sick to my stomach and weak. But, each day swelling seems to go down a little, appetite up, abilities come back (like swallowing) and I'm finding food that's sitting well in my stomach.

The other thing is the sudden feeling of hitting a wall. This morning I got up, took a shower, picked up some doggie messes (our puppy likes to chew paper), and suddenly, hit the wall! My stomach felt so sick and I felt so weak! Fortunately, my 20 year old daughter came home last night, so I called her cell (we have a pretty big house), and she came up and fed me. Cream of wheat - yummy. But, yesterday I felt so good, I probably a little wiped out today.

So, gradually, I'm doing better. I'm sure the next frustration will be the lack of mobility in my face. I tend to be a very demonstrative, expressive person, and right now my face is not cooperating!! I'm wondering how I will look when the swelling is gone, right now I pretty much look like a chimp. My cheeks are still big, and my lips and jaw line, of course. But, I have a chin, my jaw is where it supposed to be, and I'm beginning to sleep well at night. I hope that continues to improve and makes a real difference in my life. That would be the best outcome of all!

some photos...

Here are some before and after shots of my profile... The middle picture, I'm jutting out my chin to give me a profile - no wonder I have back and neck pain! There's so much swelling in the first photo but I think you can still see there's improvement

Here are some pictures from today of my beautiful bruising. The doctor said they had to work really hard against those chin and neck muscles who did not want to budge! You can see I'm pretty yellow but the purple goes down REALLY far on my chest (don't try to see if there's any exposure, there's not! Makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine sends out a Christmas card with her ni**le showing!) . Anyway, the bruising goes down even farther than the picture shows. I'm still quite swollen but I don't know how much shows, and my nose is pretty crooked but I think that's the swelling! One good thing about being swollen is every wrinkle and every acne mark disappears when I'm this swollen! It makes me look so young!

day 5...

I'm actually not sure if this is considered day 5 or 6? I guess it's been a full 5 days as of 4 something. My surgery was Tuesday at noon. Anyway, I felt so bad all morning, kindof sick and lethargic. My hubby rubbed my head for a REALLY LONNNNNGGGGG time and that felt so wonderful, he made me soup, and went to Panera for some more soup. Finally, this afternoon I started to feel a little better. My oldest daughter and her boyfriend stopped with flowers and to see my beautiful purple neck and chest and to visit. While they were here, less than an hour, I started feeling really crappy again. I wish I could figure it out cause some of it feels food related. I think it might be the cranberry juice and soda water I've been drinking. I get such a stomach ache and so bloated! I think it might be the carbonation on such an empty stomach. Warm things feel and taste pretty good but I don't want any milk products because of phlegm. I'm not used to being so limited! I drank 2 ensures today and they sat pretty well, but even when I have a real fruit smoothie it seems to upset my stomach and make me feel really bad for a while! I wish I liked soup and had some great recipes! I love potato soup but don't know a broth based recipe. Anyone know a good potato soup recipe? Here's another frustration from my husband... by the time he takes all the 'stuff' out of the soup there's nothing left to give me. The soup from Panera had so much in it but there was really little broth left. The question is can you liquify the 'stuff' and keep it in the soup? It seems like I could have a little more consistancy - the OS said I could have cream of wheat so that's pretty thick. Anyway, maybe I'm being dense (haha, like the soup!) but I've just been eating the liquid... it caused a little fight between me and my hubby today. He's not normally great at care giving so this is a stretch for him, but he has been really wonderful about it!

Anyway, I hope you're all well. My features seem to change each day, I know there's a lot more to go and I'm anxious to see how I'm going to look. Today my nose is crooked and a little upturned. But, it's okay, it may not be as good as the nose I had but I'm okay [at least today]. As the swelling goes down I wonder how I'll feel about new features, but right now I'm content to have done this. I think I finally feel normal...

Laura said it well when she made a comment that she felt like her inside and outside now matched. That's what I want.

day 4 evening...

Hey again. Just an update. One of the frustrating things is needing to sleep, sleeping and then needing to recover from sleeping! I feel so groggy and dehydrated after sleeping and then I'm ready for some sort of pill again and, of course I need to eat first but I don't feel like eating. I'm really having to push through a lot of my feelings.

Today I took my chin tape off. Boy, do I have the biggest, most beautiful lips ever!~ JK ~ THEY ARE GIGANTIC! Too bad my chin and neck are absolutely purple! I mean bright, beautiful purple. And, here's a TMI WARNING... my neck is purple all the way down to the top of my right br**st. It looks like I have a tan or something!

I know I'm jumping all over the place but I forgot to say what a weird day this has been. I felt absolutely terrible to the point of wimpering, and now I feel content. Low pain, discomfort, but nothing horrible at the moment. I guess I should just enjoy it and know these times will become more and more frequent but it's probably more up and down than continuous improvement. I've been having those strange feelings under my lower lip. I'm so swollen there's no way I could see any of the way I'll look when this is over and, at this point, I don't even care. I just want to feel normal again.

There are A LOT of food commercials on TV. I noticed when I had morning sickness but it's been a while... I told Tom today, you know your hungry when even dog food commercials look good! I must be really hungry!

4 days post op...

Okay, here I am. My back hurts, my stomach aches and I need to POOP! It's getting a little easier to eat and I need to take more meds. That's all I do, eat, take meds, sleep, eat, take meds, sleep... I'm beginning to feel like a newborn. The roof of my mouth is really swollen and my face is too. I can take the chin tape off today.

Tom made me 2 smoothies, one last night and one today. We had friends stop by to watch a movie but I'm so not in the mood for company, they were really understanding and it was good to have them here. Tom was going to go out with Ed and Sue was going to stay with me, but I didn't want TOm to leave.

Whenever I start feeling crummy I try to walk around the house. There's no walking outside in Michigan right now, it's been below zero with even colder windchills. That's it for now....

ouch, this sucks...

Let's see... this is Friday, surgery Tuesday - that makes this day 3. More swelling after this, that's nasty. I woke up at 4:00 this morning with the roof of my mouth swollen really far down. Makes it's hard to talk and hard to breathe. I don't want to eat anything - how could I eat? I'm trying to drink cold water to take down the swelling but I can't get enough of it down. I really need some pain meds but I think I should eat food first. Now what?

in the hospital...

Here I am, in the hospital. The surgery took about 4+ hours. I had a rough first night, so I stayed in the hospital 2 nights. I just didn't want to go home after having trouble breathing. Here's a profile shot with a wrapped up chin. The second picture is me trying to smile. And the third picture is of my nose, it's shorter and a little upturned. I'm going to try to post some before pictures but I would like to get some comparison shots lined up over time. Those seem to be the most helpful.

Here's profile picture taken the night before surgery. I usually jut my chin out to make it look more pronounced but I think I wanted to show the full effect. I wish there wasn't a shadow in the picture. Maybe during this time off I can work on photo shop or something!

Anyway, it's really hard to see anything in these pictures. He was going to move my upper jaw 6mm forward and 4mm up, lower 8-10mm forward and chin 16mm forward. I must say I left the hospital feeling cute. Maybe with all the swelling and my shorter nose, I just felt cuter than usual??

That's all for now, I'm feeling like I need another vicodin!

i have a chin!!!!!!!

Good morning, bad night! The good news is that I have a lot of feeling. My upper and lower lips both have feeling. The doc said in 25 years of doing this surgery, he's only had one other case of doing this and the person having feeling in the lower lip. So, that' another one of those 'kisses' from God I was asking him for! The yukky news was how much my throat hurt. It seemed like I would dose off for 10 minutes and then I would gag and wake up. One time I got a little panicky. But, the most important thing is to stay relaxed and calm and just breathe through your nose. Dr. G told me they really had to work hard to get my chin forward - he said it just didn't want to go! So, my neck is pretty sore from him and the other doctor pulling so hard. I'm on morphine right now, so forgive me if I repeat myself. My mom stayed over in the hospital with me which gave me a real sense of peace and being cared for. The one time I was panicking, I couldn't find the call button and she was right there getting the nurse for me. More later...

tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the day. In one hour and one day, I'll be leaving for the hospital. Somehow, that makes me want to go back to bed. Maybe I'm just tired. I'm sure that's it, every time I type a word I have to go back and fix it. I must be tired. Besides having a bit of a meltdown Friday night, we had a good weekend. Friday, I was trying to get my husband to understand what I was feeling and I was giving him analogies like... "imagine you're preparing to jump out of a plane, you know you'll live but you're going to have broken bones cause your shute isn't going to open... now can you think of the anxiety I must be feeling?" Well, of course that didn't make sense and it only served to freak me out. But, we managed to move out of that meltdown and I'm doing much better now. Partly just choosing to relax. I have lunch with a friend today and I want to go to the store later. Also, for those of you who read my POOP story... I'm home this morning trying to relax enough to P**P. I know, TMI, but that's why I have a blog, so I can say anything I want! My husband promised me we'd get some pictures up on this thing tonight, so hopefully, more later...

four more days...

Four more days until surgery. I'm excited and can't stop thinking about it. And, when I do think about it, my mouth starts getting dry and my muscles start tensing up. I guess I'm a little nervous, too. The thought of someone taking a saw to my face, knowing that I'm going to be regretting this at first, wondering how bad I'm going to feel, etc... that's why the dry mouth.

But, I'm ready, at least as ready as I can be. I saw my internest yesterday for a history and physical to okay me for surgery. They did a second EKG because the first one showed a strange developement of some right branch blockage (yikes) but turns out the tech. just misplaced the lead. I do have some changes in my EKG from the last time. Apnea events can cause changes to the heart, so we are wondering if the surgery will correct those little blips in the EKG?? I'm too young to have heart stuff going on. My dad was a cardiologist and I thought that made me exempt from heart problems (right? or am I getting that mixed up with jinxes and Murphy's Law and irony?)

Well, I just typed a story and erased it as I thought... there is such a thing as TMI. You can thank me later. It wasn't even a very good story. Not missing much here.

Today, I'm out to do more returns from Christmas, and to have a massage that my son gave me for my birthday (last May!). It's a good time for one, because my muscles are holding tight and I don't think I'll be able to lie on my stomach for a while!
Hopefully, more later when I figure out how to download photos! Maybe I'll have a relaxed smile on my face?