It's the day after Christmas and now that the festivities are taking a reprieve, my anxiety is filling up the void. So many thoughts and concerns before surgery. The swelling, the pain, the outcome!
I'm concerned about the loss of self in this whole process. I've spent so many years being unhappy with my profile and my weak chin... but now, I'm wondering how much my face will change. Will that be a loss of identity? What if I don't like my new face and I want the old one back? Have any of you gone through any of that? Did you think about that before the surgery? Why did you have the surgery in the first place? Anyway, I'm rambling but I'm going to let myself.
So, on I go... this is such a big deal! I'm having a saw to my facial bones! What am I thinking! My brain likes to do things the 'right' way... 'no CPAP for me, fix me, make me the way I was supposed to be before the 1970's ortho pulled teeth and moved my jaw back so far!' But, I didn't even consider what this would be like psychologically. I didn't think it might change my face dramatically! I only thought about my profile...
I don't really plan on changing my mind at this point, I always hope for the best and then deal with the disappointment afterwards. But, knowing me, I can really struggle for a while. I can picture things being different, how I am going to get what I want, etc. And, that tenacity and determination has gotten me a lot of what I want in life. However, it has also caused a lot of anxiety and mental struggle. I don't want to go through that after surgery. I want to accept my new appearance and move on.
Does everyone struggle with their new face, or is it only the extreme changes? Does everyone even see changes in their face or is there also disappointment in not enough change?
My OS was glad I was thinking about all of this but probably doesn't know how 'anal' I can be in my thoughts! It's actually a good and different thing for me to be dealing with this before the fact. Usually, I just put my head in the sand and hope for a miraculous outcome, and then deal with the disappointment later! I'm glad I'm looking at it now.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Kapoor and Sons (2016)
7 years ago
6 comments:
Hi Elaine,
I wrote you an email, but I thought I'd comment here anyway. =)
I have researched this topic at length (after the fact unfortunately)... I wish I'd done so beforehand, not because I would have changed my mind... but so that I wouldn't have had such high expectations.
As far as I can tell... anyone (understandably) can experience an identity crisis after this surgery, but most of the time the people who have a difficult time have had a dramatic change in appearnce, ie: people don't recognize them. I have also noticed that most people who have identity crisis have had their upper jaw moved forward, thus changing the shape of their nose/midface.
All of this being said... the majority of people who have this surgery are very satisifed with the results, so even though I've had a tough time, I still think it is a great surgery that changes people's lives for the better!
Don't you just wish you had a crystal ball?!!! One of the hardest parts about this surgery is the uncertainty of what's ahead.
I wish I could help more. I'm sure you will do great, and all of this fear will be a distant memory soon.
Elaine,
Thank you for your comment on my blog. I seem to always want more time to psot a proper reponse, but, alas, here is a quick reply while my children crawl in the laundry basket. :) I think you'll be happy with the change in your profile and the change in your midface will likely take some getting used to. My reason is that it's easier to predict how moving the lower jaw alters the face. Also, it's harder for the surgeons to predict everything about our soft tissues, and how they'll lay on our moved bones.
When I tried to talk about good/bad outcomes with my surgeons, they listened but didn't say much except that most patients detest the first few weeks, and are satisifed at the 1 year mark. My hunch is that if the Drs. enjoyed the psycholigical aspect of the surgery, they would havhe gone into a different field! They spent years investing in their surgical techniques...so that's their specialty. :)
More thoughts later...
To be brutally honest, there are moments when I have wanted my old face back. The permanence of the surgery makes this feeling hard to handle. I've felt regret when I broke a porcelain figurine in anger, but this regret was for me more like saying goodbye to my first love. Sadness that's hard to explain, frequently wondering, "what if I had just accepted my old problems?" Does that make sense?
Counseling may help if you find this is hard for you. Time and kind words have made the most difference for me. Hearing my husband tell me over and over (and over again) he still thinks I'm pretty has helped, too. Your family will be a wonderful support for you.
While I am really glad I did go through with the surgery, I don't ever want to relive the last two months.
Oh, and another random thought to share,:), I was surprised by my emotions on the morning of surgery. I felt like I was standing on a precipe & it was up to me to jump. Several attendants peered at my face curiously, as if they were figuring what I'd look like. My last few moments with my husband were rushed. To think what must have been going through HIS mind!
I wasn't fearful, I'd been praying fathfully about this decision for a while, but I did feel like something huge was happening...all that to say I think your pre-surgery anxiety is normal.
Hang in there!
Hi Elaine,
Wow, only a short time before you'll be taking the next step. I'll be praying for you as you get ready. Today I have had some pain in my jaw and I'm trying to not take the Tylenol w/ codeine until I go to bed. I've been by myself today so I haven't had to talk much which is good. :) Thank you for your post and I look forward to following your journey.
Clarissa
It's getting close! How exciting!
Some people do have trouble adjusting, even when the results look great from the outside. I've been surprised a few times by blogs where people who used to have really obvious jaw problems say they never thought there was much wrong with their old face and that they really miss it. Or where people don't think they've changed much at all after surgery and attribute people's "wow, you look great!" comments to their new haircut. I guess faces are very personal things.
I'm personally very happy with my new face. I don't miss the old one at all. It could be because my new face matches my self image a lot better than the old one did - now I look the way I always imagined I did, if that makes any sense.
It still feels a bit weird when I'm putting on makeup because that's when it's most obvious that everything from the cheekbones down is further forward. Other than that, I don't notice it much anymore.
I did feel sad about strange things, like that day when I realized that I'd lost the swelling-induced glow, and when I realized that my nose had mostly straightened out and gotten un-cute again, and when I started getting hungry again.
There are still many things wrong with my face. Before the surgery you can secretly hope that they'll all be fixed, but once it's over you have to come to terms with your imperfections again. That can be hard.
There will certainly be down times after the surgery, and you might have trouble adjusting, but I think that all you can do is accept that it might happen, and that it's a completely normal response, and to trust that you'll be able to deal with it if it does happen. You'll have lots of support.
Elaine:
Am appreciating your blog so much. Like you, I am also 47 and have sleep apnea. My MMA/GA surgery is scheduled for April'09 (although I may change it to July). My braces were placed in July'08--and this is my third time wearing metal braces. Thank you for all your efforts with your blog--I could relate to so much of what you have shared. I am hailing from No. California, and am just so excited to find another 47 year old woman planning the very same kind of surgeries for the very same kind of sleep disorder---Elaine, my guess is that you are crazy busy preparing for surgery, but if you would like support, or just to say hi, I would be delighted to hear from you.
Take care Elaine,
Julie
my email is: mukijl@aol.com
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