I don't even know how to start this really. I've been looking at others' blogs and it has been so helpful. But, I definitely see value in all the feedback that comes from writing a blog.
I've been on this journey since I was about 16. I remember driving with my hand on my chin so no one would see my profile. And my 'well-meaning' guy friend who told me I looked really good 'from the back'. And the stranger who saw my face and exclaimed, 'oooh, she's ugly!'. As I write this, I don't know if I want to be this honest! I grew up with all the high school guys thinking girls were supposed to look like Farah Fawcett. What a chin she had! Anyway, all this to say, I have a recessed jaw. Or, as Matthew Perry likes to call his, a chin neck.
So, in Dec. 2006, I started googling recessed jaws and it kept coming up 'sleep apnea'. I went to a new doctor in Jan. of '07 and she suggested a sleep study. After all, my diagnosis for years had been 'chronic fatigue'. So, it came up mild sleep apnea, we tried the CPAP (to rule it out) and proceeded to the oral surgeon to see if we could get coverage for surgery. After 1 denial and 1 appeal, they approved. I got braced Dec. 2007, and on Jan. 13, 2009, I'm scheduled for MMA/GA surgery to enhance my airway for sleep apnea. As one blogger put it, when you're older time goes really fast! The time in braces has flown by and I rather like them. They haven't been too painful and they are said to take about 10 years off your looks!
I've struggled with contentment and people thinking I'm vain. People have said to me, "Elaine, God made you just the way you are and you're beautiful." That makes me feel guilty for wanting this bottom half of my face fixed. They don't get it. The internal feeling that I'm different. Seems like I should be over this by now, after all, I'm 47!
I'm thinking there is good reason for the jaw advancement surgery, the sleep apnea. But part of me thinks I'm doing it mostly for cosmetic reasons. I may get some real help from expanding my airway - it's 6mm. now and they're hoping to make it 10-12mm. That should make a real difference. It's funny, I can remember being tired a lot as a child, having trouble swallowing, chewing my food forever, etc... but then I just wonder if I'm making excuses. Anyway, I guess I feel ambivalent. But, the truth is, I'm glad I have the opportunity to have this surgery and I am hopeful to feel normal when all is said and done. Thanks for 'listening' to me ramble.
Kapoor and Sons (2016)
7 years ago
7 comments:
I think it should be perfectly ok to do this for cosmetic reasons. You can either learn to accept the way you look, or you can change it, and in our culture it's considered "better" or stronger or something to accept it. Like if you can't come to terms with your appearance, then you're morally or psychologically weak. I tried to do that for decades though, and it just wasn't happening, and it made me unhappy - constantly having a feeling like something was wrong with me.
So why go on struggling to come to terms with something when you can fix it. Looks do matter. People perceive you as a person through your face. We say that it shouldn't matter what other people think or how they respond to us, but we're social creatures and it matters a lot.
I noticed a long time ago that people respond to me differently when I wear makeup vs none - they're generally more friendly and attentive. Ditto when I went out with a swollen face after surgery and no one would meet my eye. It was just random people in stores, but it left me feeling kind of lonely and isolated.
Of course it's the person inside that matters, but how you look affects how you feel and how others treat you, which in turn, over years, shapes you as a person.
As you can probably tell, I've struggled with the vanity thing as well. I'm really glad that this is also a medical problem, because I can point to the insurance company and the doctors as validation. At the same time though, I think the cosmetic aspect is very important and it shouldn't be brushed aside as vain and frivolous.
Wow ... long comment lol.
I don't know how to express my gratitude for your comment. I know it may sound like 'too much' but it feels so good that someone gets what I'm thinking and feeling. It makes me want to cry.
That sounds a little cheesy but it's truly a lonely road when you're feeling ugly or malformed or longing to be beautiful and you can't really express it because no one can really say the 'right' thing! They can't say, 'yea, you're right, you do look different than everyone else' and they can't say, 'you're beautiful on the inside' and just about anything else hurts in one way or another. Though, I must add, my favorite response of all time, when I said my husband is prettier than I am (which he really is), was said by a male friend of ours. He said, "YUK!" And I loved it! It was said with honest passion and it made me feel beautiful! What a gift!
I have struggled with trying to find contentment in what I thought could never be fixed. I have also realized I am one of the detail people God has created and, in being so, I really notice when something isn't right. It makes it hard when it's your face! The good part is I smile a lot and have a really outgoing personality. I think a lot of that was to look better (a smile is the least expensive way to improve your looks) and it was also to keep people looking at the personality instead of the person.
About the makeup and peoples' responses. I feel that way, too. Although, I often think it's me that's different. When I feel pretty, I talk to people more and feel more confident.
I think it would be nice if there could be a standard for fixing these malformed jaws that is considered cosmetic AND necessary. It can be very hard psychologically to have an unbalance face and it's equally hard to wait 47 years to have a medically necessary reason pop up!
I love what you said, thanks for taking the time to say it.
I've been wondering how you're doing. It sounded like yesterday was a hard day, but so grateful for that guard! Maybe you wrote on your blog. I'll check it out after this...
I'm really glad I can help, and I'm also really glad to find someone else who feels the same way. Even amongst jaw surgery bloggers, there don't seem to be that many who have struggled with the deformed feeling. Have you read Mrs Shanton's blog? She doesn't post anymore, but she was the first person I found who had the same chin issues as I did and she's a very funny writer.
http://wackyteef.blogspot.com
I've wondered about the makeup thing and how much of it is me. Still not sure about that. I do feel much more confident when I'm wearing makeup, that's for sure.
On that note, when I went out for lunch today, I seemed to get more eye contact and smiles from people than before. It could be the weight loss. Could be my behavior. Perhaps my standards are lowered after the puffy swollen days of invisibility. Anyway, it was nice.
It's funny about the medical necessity popping up - I was so excited when I discovered I could have surgery - my cubemates thought I was crazy. They all said they'd rather wear braces for twice as long if it meant avoiding surgery. I was just thrilled to learn that I could get my face fixed.
As far as recovery goes - I'm still having some sad days. I'm trying to turn it around and use it to motivate myself to do something new. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.
Keep posting! I'm looking forward to seeing how it all goes for you.
I totally did my surgery for cosmetic reasons, though I was concerned about how my teeth were aging and future issues from my huge overbite. It is easier to tell people it is for health reasons though. The first time a doc gave me a health excuse I took it and ran with it even though I knew it was not why I was really getting the surgery. I love how I look from the side now and the healing went by so fast. I am still getting used to the front view, and I'm not keen on my open mouth smile. I still have some numbness though, and I can always smile with my mouth shut!! It was well worth it and I would do it all again. I ow a lot of people that blog have health reasons, but for those who also pursue the genioplasty, it is a given that appearance is a factor! AND that is A.O.K!!
Oh thank you, thank you! I guess it's really good to hear it's okay for cosmetic reasons. Thanks for all the time you've spent reading my blog tonight, I really appreciate the feedback!!!
"health excuse" - that's awesome. That's exactly what it was for me too.
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